Dad’s Lesson On Being Lazy

Today is Sunday, Father’s Day.  Last night Tom and I celebrated early with a joint Father’s Day dinner with my dad and Tom’s daughter, Elyse.  As we were leaving, I asked my Dad, who spent the last two weeks repainting the exterior of their home and that entire Saturday repainting the inside of the garage, what he had planned for Father’s Day.   His answer, “Not a damn thing.  Sunday is my day off.”
 
My father is one of the most non-religious but spiritually-attuned men I know.  Ironically, I’ve learned more about the beauty, joy, and necessity of the regular practice of “keeping the Sabbath” from him than anyone.  On Sundays, he rests.  It’s not a faux “rest” from mainstream work like running errands or catching up on television but real rest.  Reading, relaxing, napping, listening to music, savoring the sunrise and the sunset, and marveling yet again at the stars as they come out over a backyard fire in the firepit.
 
The Chinese pictograph for “busy” is composed of two characters:  heart and killing.  Too busy for too long can definitely feel like a killing of our hearts.  I recently returned from the annual meeting of the Speaking Consulting Network and while it was fantastic in so many ways, I was struck by the number of people who, upon greeting me, used the words “I’m just so busy!” within their first few sentences.  Admittedly, I’ve used it myself a lot lately.  It’s become almost an anthem for our modern culture.  Something we say with no small degree of pride, like a trophy which somehow indicates our worth to society.
 
In the book, Sabbath:  Restoring the Sacred Rhythm of Rest, Wayne Muller writes, “Because of our desire to succeed, to meet these ever-growing expectations, we do not rest.  Because we do not rest, we lose our way.  We miss the compass points that would show us where to go; we bypass the nourishment that would give us succor.  We miss the quiet that would give us wisdom.  We miss the joy and love born of effortless delight.  Poisoned by this hypnotic belief that good things come only through unceasing determination and tireless effort, we can never truly rest.  And for want of rest, our very lives are in danger.  We miss the joy of living.”

I’d like to revive the idea of a Sabbath time in our lives… not just for our own sake but for the sake of those we hope to serve, so that our efforts may have the wisdom of rest within them.  Honoring the Sabbath is an idea not necessarily a particular day of the week.  My Dad is as committed to “quitting time” Monday – Saturday as he is to his full day of Sunday rest. My friend, Vanessa Emerson, is committed to 10-20 minutes every morning she calls her “RPM” time (Rise, Pee, Meditate smiley face 2)  The idea is to value stillness, quiet, and restful recuperation as an important daily and lifelong ritual and as a way to “hear” what is truly important.  Not more important than our work but equal to it.  Muller writes, “The practice is rather to find that balance point at which, having rested, we do our work with greater ease and joy, and bring healing and delight to our endeavors.”
 
Many in our society would label this practice as “laziness.”  More and more, I’ve come to know its incredible value, not only in my sustained energy and focus when at work, but also in my ability to make good and right decisions for myself and my business.   Like riding my bicycle, the higher my speed… the more dangerous the smallest of stones.  The faster I go in my life and business, sometimes at unchecked speeds, physical and emotional exhaustion sets in and everything looks distorted.   Every detail inflates in importance, everything seems more urgent than it really is, and I typically react with sloppy desperation.  With rest and quiet time, my decisions are healthier along with my kindness, patience, creativity, and productiveness.
 
If we adopt this practice, we must remember and champion its value.  Anne Morrow Lindbergh, the accomplished wife of Charles Lindbergh, wrote a small but powerful book entitled, Gift from the Sea, where she muses about insights gained from taking a vacation on a remote island where she spent part of her time with friends and part of her time all alone.  In it she writes, “How inexplicable it seems.  Anything else will be accepted as a better excuse.  If one sets aside time for a business appointment, a trip to the hairdresser, a social engagement or a shopping expedition, that time is accepted as inviolable.  But if one says: I cannot come because that is my hour to be alone, one is considered rude, egotistical or strange.”

On Friday, Tom and I leave for our annual trek to his 89-year old cabin near Lake Tahoe.  For six weeks, we will play, work, hike, kayak, cycle, and roast  some yummy S’mores.  But equally valuable, and maybe even more enjoyable, will be the time we spend (with no TV, radio talk shows, or incessant conversation) reinforcing and regaining a daily habit of quiet and restful rebound by sitting quietly on a rock overlooking the view on a hike, napping on the porch, or silently counting the stars by the fire at night.
 
This week and this summer, I hope you’ll fill your “busy” life with the gifts only revealed to you by your personal practice of honoring the Sabbath and quiet, restful renewal, whatever form that takes in your life.

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“If you want to become full, let yourself be empty.”   ~ Tao Te Ching